Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
