drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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