so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
