So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
