I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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