It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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