i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
