Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize