Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
