Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
