After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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