good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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