apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
