I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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