Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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