Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize