You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
