My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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