Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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