I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize