My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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