He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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