I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
