first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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