If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
