Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
