I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
