So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
