the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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