Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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