it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
