wanna go halves on a baby?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize