I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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