I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
