She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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