Dual....:-)
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
