I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
