I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
