That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
