Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
