Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize