I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
