At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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