Can i not drive my cunt home
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
