Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
