I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
