Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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