if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
