so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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