I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize