remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
