What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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