I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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