he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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