our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
