Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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