How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Everclear isn't food dammit
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
