I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
