I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
