For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
