i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
