I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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