I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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