We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
