you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
