How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
