Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
