Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
