Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Randomize
