If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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