she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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