Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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