I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
